I first heard the term ‘killjoy’ last semester in an Intro to Women, Gender, and Sexuality class. Sara Ahmed coined the term in her book, Living a Feminist Life, and outlined what she describes as a ‘Killjoy Manifesto,’ with several principles. Being a feminist killjoy is essentially critiquing privilege and doing something about it, inevitably causing unhappiness for some groups of people. My personal favorite principle is number seven: ‘I am willing to live a life that is deemed by others as unhappy and I am willing to reject or to widen the scripts available for what counts as a good life.’
I think this concept applies extremely well to the topic of women and leadership. In the class reading by Fortini, she brings up the sexist stereotypes forced upon Sarah Palin and Hillary Clinton during their respective campaigns. Palin was described as a diva, shopaholic, seductress, and ‘whack-job,’ with male politicians speaking to her as if she was a child. On the other hand, Clinton was entitled and had boundless ambition, described as “ a grind, scold, harpy, shrew, priss, teacher’s pet, killjoy-you get the idea” (para 3). I thought calling her a killjoy was insanely interesting because, yes, she IS a killjoy. We need more people like that.
In the same article, Tucker Carlson was quoted saying, “every time I hear Hillary Clinton speak, I involuntarily cross my legs” (para. 3). According to Ahmed, the first Killjoy Manifesto principle is: ‘I am not willing to make happiness my cause.’ Women do not exist to please men, nor should Clinton have to change her appearance to appease Tucker Carlson. Women in the workplace are constantly referred to as ‘bitches’ or ‘overbearing’ if they’re in a leadership position. But, when a man acts the same way, he’s praised as a good leader. Why? In the Geeknack article we read for class, the authors outline that women kill egos. They write that women are taught to be nurturing, and if they’re anything but that, women are “perceived as…being bossy, cruel, mean, and bitchy.” Due to the fact that women are organizational and community-driven, in a leadership position they work to inspire, support, and develop others. So, being a woman in leadership deters from the norm of authoritative men, causing uneasiness/unhappiness.
Being a killjoy does not mean you’re a pessimistic person out to get men, nor do you even have to be a woman. It means that you won’t stand for systems that may bring happiness/luck to others. I think many people should be killjoys in this sense, understanding there is a systemic issue, calling it out, and fixing the problem.
I’m interested in hearing what you all think of this term, is it accurate? Should it be taken as a compliment? What are some other examples of killjoys you may have encountered?
Ahmed, S. (2017). Living a Feminist Life. Duke University Press. https://doi.org/10.2307/j.ctv11g9836
Fortini, A. (2008, November 14). How the year of the woman actually set women back — New York Magazine – Nymag. New York Magazine. https://nymag.com/news/politics/nationalinterest/52184/
Seven reasons women make better leaders. (2023, November 1). Geeknack. https://www.geeknack.com/2020/11/01/seven-reasons-women-make-better-leaders/
Women and Leadership 
Emma, this post really made me think about our readings for this week, specifically the one by Caprino that talks about Ambition. So many women are afraid to call themselves ambitious due to the negative societal connotations that have been concocted over time. Ambition and likability are negatively related with women because “being ambitious” as a woman means acting against all we have been subconsciously taught. I completely agree that we need more women in positions of power who are deemed “killjoys” because it means that there are women in leadership who are working against the negative stereotypes that have hindered us for so long. I would be curious to know if Hillary Clinton would agree that she is a “killjoy” because so many women, even women very high in administration, would still be plagued by the stereotypes against us.
By: Bronwyn Beardsley on March 25, 2024
at 3:49 pm
First of all, Tucker Carlson is such an ew. Second, I so agree with you. I think that there are too many people who get away with saying underlying sexist or anti-feminist comments and more than often from what I have witnessed, people laugh at those jokes rather than stand up against them. I was called a killjoy a couple times in high school without directly being called one. I just would get called the “can’t take a joke” or “sensitive” one when I would hear a sexist, racist, homophobic, etc. joke made about someone I knew or just in general. I have never really cared to keep my mouth shut when I hear something insulting and have always stood up for the equality of individuals. I think if people want change, especially in women in leadership, we need to have more killjoys. But I think we need to have male killjoys too who stand up against the patriarchy as well. I think it should be taken as a compliment because it means you care. It means you want equality especially when it comes to the patriarchy. Regarding other things in life, I am not sure if being a killjoy is good for ones being, but in this scenario, I think it fits what it means to fight against the patriarchy in multiple areas of life.
By: Harper Minarik on March 28, 2024
at 2:23 pm
I’m interested in hearing what you all think of this term, is it accurate? Should it be taken as a compliment? What are some other examples of killjoys you may have encountered?
I think the term ‘killjoy’ is quite interesting, and I have heard it be applied to many women before. I think the biggest marker for a killjoy is a woman that acts like a man about her beliefs, which is what men tend to hate most. There is nothing worse in their minds than a hardworking and opinionated women, and they’ll do anything to try and shut her down. I think the term ‘killjoy’ then is accurate, because men take joy in their power and ability to use it on and against others. A woman who prevents them from doing so by fighting an unfair system and unfair policies or beliefs is then a killer of that joy, ergo ‘killjoy.’ I think looking at the definitions of a ‘killjoy’ and looking at how she is perceived, it should be taken as a compliment because it means she is following her belief system and fighting against injustices. I think in the media some examples of killjoys would be women on the red carpet or other awardshow like encounters who question why the camera is panning up and down their bodies, and question if this occurs to their male counterparts. For me I see them as an example because the camera following their bodies is a way to sexualise and dehumanize them, that isn’t supposed to be acknowledged. These celebrities choosing to say something or bend down to get their faces in the camera instead show that they are not going to let themselves be sexualized and dehumanized against their will, and they actively point out the gender bias that comes with doing this to the women rather than the men.
By: lissaaparkerr on March 31, 2024
at 11:48 am
When reading your blog post, I immediately thought of the well known “cool girl” monologue from the movie Gone Girl. In the beginning of this monologue, the main character Amy describes being a “cool girl” to men as the most defining compliment that a woman can receive from a man. She continues to describe this highly desirable cool girl as a woman who is submissive, letting men determine what she likes so that they will like her. I see this idea to be the opposite of your discussion of being a killjoy. While that term is meant to be an insult, I do see it as a compliment in a lot of situations. Above all, men typically hate when a woman outwardly expresses opinions that are different from their own, especially when the woman is correct in her opinions. Especially throughout college, I’ve observed men that no matter how stupid or rude they act they expect a girl to just go along with it. This is however the biggest annoyance that I have with the male population as I refuse to act a certain way just to be accepted by someone that I have limited respect for. All too often I see girls involve themselves in conversations and situations where men are intentionally being sexist towards women as a whole. But still, to maintain this “cool girl” status these girls will continue to allow their male friends to make disgusting jokes and remarks at other women’s expenses. 100% I would rather be a kill joy in these situations than being a pushover to people who obviously don’t respect women, with their female friends being no exception.
By: Margaret Smith on March 31, 2024
at 1:54 pm
Emma, thank you so much for diving deeper into this topic. It is so easy to absorb or brush off the insults and comments often thrown at women, but it takes a deeper amount of intellect and drive to explore what these words actually mean. In general, I am of the firm belief that if you cannot be innovative or creative in your insults you’re boring. Using an insult incorrectly is even worse. The use of the term killjoy feels equivalent to a school yard taunt. Google terms the word “killjoy” as someone who deliberately spoils the enjoyment of other. However, it has often been “killjoys” that induce change action through their no-nonsense expectations. Who is to say that men, such as Socrates, who called out men he viewed as tyrannical, or even founding fathers, such as George Washington, were not killjoys for deliberately inciting change within their status quo?
https://search.yahoo.com/search?fr=mcafee&type=E211US714G0&p=killjoy+meaning
By: brennamcmanus22 on March 31, 2024
at 2:15 pm
I really enjoyed reading this post because I have never heard the term ‘killjoy’ in this context before. In my own life, killjoy has been a term used to put people of both genders down, on par with being called a party pooper or a Debbie downer. While I think the term ‘killjoy’ in itself gives it a negative connotation because it recalls feelings of being put down, the ‘Killjoy Manifesto’ is something every woman and man should put into practice in their lives. Acknowledging systematic inequality is the first step to dismantling the system that keeps the inequality in place. By having women and men in power that are willing to acknowledge the double standards and inequalities that are the reality in the world, the less power they will hold. Women have so many stereotypes working against them, and the double bind makes it so both feminine and masculine traits in women are seen as negatives. If both men and women are killjoys and speak out, it would be infinitely more effective than just women speaking up. In 2020, BBC found that 90% of people are biased against women and are less likely to find validity in what they say. If men served in the killjoy role, I wholeheartedly believe more people would acknowledge privilage’s affects on our world.
https://www.bbc.com/news/world-51751915
By: Emily McKenna on March 31, 2024
at 2:40 pm
Being a killjoy just sounds like not putting up with discrimination and unfair double standards. I’m reminded of when women in power are not “warm” or “welcoming” enough and men around her put down her motivations and call her horrible things, all because she does not cater to the typical stereotype of what being a woman is. To men, women aren’t “killjoys” because they actually hate fun or whatever the generic definition of the word is; women are “killjoys” because they don’t feed into harmful stereotypes. This is increasingly relevant in leadership, as women’s personalities should not be the determining factor of their leadership skills. Just because a woman is a “killjoy” does not mean she is not capable of being a leader.
By: katallen03 on March 31, 2024
at 3:10 pm
To be honest, before reading your post, I had never heard of the term “kill joy.” After reading and reflecting I definitely have met some people who could be considered one, not in a negative way but as you said, someone who challenges the system and calls out problems. I am still baffled by the fact that women are hated on the way they lead the same way men will get praised for. And after reading what Tucker Carlson said about women, makes me wonder how these men in such prominent leadership position have not been held accountable. The double standard is real, if a women in a political position said something like that about men they would be cancelled in the most brutal way. I think it is easy to assume that someone who is a “kill joy” is pessimist simply because of the way it sounds, but it is so important that we have these people who are passionate enough to stand up for what they believe in, even if it goes against what society has deemed proper.
By: Margaret Kelly on March 31, 2024
at 5:48 pm
Emma, thank you for this post. Until now, I had never heard the term “killjoy,” but now I see and believe it is an important concept. I think that it is so important to have these people who are passionate enough about something that is combatting racism, sexism, homophobia, etc., because without them, who will lead these life-changing important movements, who will stand up when everyone else is scared to speak out against hate, and who will go toe-to-toe with those who are spreading these false narratives and not receiving consequences what they do or say. Though at first sight, I can see how this term could be used in a derogatory way, I think it is essential for women and even men to embrace this word in the sense that I was not born to make your life easier, so why would I one allow someone to tell me what to do or belittle me or two stop challenging what I think may be wrong, just because a man tells me to.
By: Kassidy Reed on March 31, 2024
at 8:29 pm
Great post! I found the example you brought up between Clinton and Palin very interesting. I find it awful how women in power are subjected to derogatory labels and expectations that are rarely applied to their male counterparts. It is even worse because most of the issues people have with these women come from their appearance and behavior rather than their qualifications or capabilities. Just because these women don’t act or look the same as males doesn’t mean they should be treated any differently. Hopefully as a society we can figure out ways to fix problems like these.
By: Matthew Dzierski on March 31, 2024
at 9:06 pm
So according to the Oxford English Dictionary, a Killjoy is “One who or that which destroys joy or pleasure; one who throws a gloom over social enjoyment.” It also says it was first used by Charles Burney in 1776 in A General History of Music. Using this definition of the word I would not want to be considered a killjoy in all aspects of my life. I never want to be the reason a neutral social engagement becomes depressing or full of tension. It is a very generalized term that does not explain the intention behind being a killjoy.
A feminist killjoy is a slightly different term as you summarized it as, “Being a feminist killjoy is essentially critiquing privilege and doing something about it, inevitably causing unhappiness for some groups of people.” If someone is a feminist killjoy they are not purposely making a social engagement uncomfortable because they enjoy the gloom. The situation becomes uncomfortable because of the issues stemming from those who use their privilege as an advantage and then get called out for it. It is the critique itself that makes the called-out group unhappy and causes the person who called them out to be seen as the killjoy.
Overall, I would take being called a feminist killjoy as a compliment because it comes from a place of calling out inequalities. I would take it as an insult if I was called a killjoy in general. A normal killjoy dampens the mood of a social engagement without a known reason, so they could be doing it because they enjoy causing others discomfort or because they themselves feel slighted. It is the intention behind being a killjoy that is the most important thing to recognize.
By: Katherine Darroch on March 31, 2024
at 10:34 pm
I think of the term “killjoy” as a very immature thing to call someone. When I hear that word, it makes me think of a child talking to an adult who is reminding them of the rules that will keep them safe. Even though it might be fun for a kid to run around and do whatever they want, parents and guardians have to be there to keep their feet on the ground. A killjoy feels like a very juvenile thing to call someone. Name-calling in general feels very juvenile. I think that rebranding the term as a “feminist killjoy” is such a powerful way to highlight the immaturity behind this name-calling and add substance to the term. It turns the concept back on itself and makes it a worthwhile label.
By: Hannah Gee on March 31, 2024
at 11:00 pm
I love this idea that being a killjoy means to live your life how you want to live it, regardless of what opinions others might have. If being a killjoy means that you don’t take anyone’s crap and don’t try to change yourself to appease others, then I would take that compliment any day, even if it came with ill-intent. I say this because of the same things you are saying about how perceptions of women’s behaviors are skewed, even though men can act the same way and be perceived in a positive light. I immediately thought of all the times I have been told by men to “smile more” or “stop being sarcastic and joking all the time” for whatever reason. These kind of statements are honestly infuriating because they say this as if I exist to make them feel good about themselves. Truth is, I could care less about a man’s opinion or comfort. I am a notorious people pleaser as a libra, but I have grown a lot in prioritizing myself above the comfort of others. I would gladly identify as a killjoy, but of course not in the sense of being rude and ruining people’s happiness unprovoked, but rather in the sense of not allowing other people control me and my decisions.
By: Christine Nguyen on April 2, 2024
at 3:37 am
I am really glad that you decided to write about this topic! I remember being in this class with you, and the SNL skit that Dr. Palmer showed us. While the skit was obviously a comedy (a depicted the woman as pessimistic) I appreciate your clarification that that is not always the case. Nevertheless, I am not the biggest fan of the term due to the connotation that comes with it. It is only natural that a word with the word “kill” in it would be perceived as a negative thing, and to have the next word be “joy” (something everyone views as positive) it is easy to see how people would automatically dislike someone who is labeled a “killjoy.” While we could attempt to reclaim the word and turn it into something empowering, I feel as though it would be best to use the words that more accurately describe these women, like “powerful” or “opinionated.”
By: Ashley Beckett on April 18, 2024
at 2:44 pm